i guess everyone is greedy. we want more even if we have enough. so long as something sparks your desire, you will incessantly want something or someone. but that's nature, i suppose. there never really is an "all that we've ever wanted", because we will continuously want, want, want.
as far as necessities go, i don't think we really need anything, either. it's all conditional-- if your calculus teacher tells you to go get a specific calculator for his/her class, then you're going to "need" this specified calculator. if you're going to a formal and you don't have any dress attire, you're going to "need" a tuxedo or a dress to match the occasion. but we don't really need these items to survive, see. to feel the need for something is only conditional. even the three necessities that welfare programs mention: food, clothing, and shelter. we don't necessarily need a roof to stay under (many live on the streets) and we weren't born with clothes. and we wouldn't need food, either, if it weren't for this condition: to live. if we want to live, we need food. thus, i have mostly concluded that every need sparks from a desire. and necessities are all in perspective to their corresponding condition(s).
and then what? soon, these people (under these conditions) will want clothing after they have gotten some food, and then with that, they'll want shelter, and then with shelter, who knows?
we don't need anything. we want everything.
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japan seems to have mixed feelings towards me... or maybe i have mixed feelings towards it.
either way, it'll be a long two months.
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don't cry because it ended; smile because it happened.
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is holding on to the past such a bad thing? is pondering upon the memories so detrimental? is it so horrible to live your past?
why do you want me to go forth, when i'm still struggling to catch up to my past?
i can't do it; it's so hard to let go of concrete facts.
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is holding on to the past a bad thing? is pondering upon memories so detrimental? is it so horrible to live in the past?
why do you push me to go forth when i'm not even close to catching up with my past?
i can't do it; it's so hard to let go of the concrete facts.
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to everyone who has crossed my life in any way... i appreciate that you did.
congratulations, to the class of 2004. i will never forget the good times we'd shared. you guys deserve all the happiness in the world. good luck in college. and i'll be damned if i don't keep in touch with you guys; we've known one another too long for that.
as you move on through your life, be sure to take in everything life has to offer. but don't ever forget where you came from, and how you got there.
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oh, yes. why don't you just come back into the room high off who-knows-what, act like you own the place, open the windows, turn on the air conditioner, eat the whole pantry out, and go to sleep like there's no one else in the room? yeah; why don't you do that.
i'm so glad i'm not living with my roommate next year.
it's not that i can't stand her; she is a very good person and friend. but her habits piss the hell out of me. last time i checked, there're things called common courtesy and respect. she has neither. and for that, i thank myself for becoming a resident advisor. i don't think i could deal with her habits anymore.
her side of the room is a mess, her dirty laundry spills from our closet. she complains that this room smells like shit. well, if she didn't come back in here smelling like cigarettes and weed, maybe this place might smell decently. she complains that all the food is gone. well, it's not like she paid for it anyway. she complains that it's unbearably hot in the room, when my other roommate and i are freezing. it's mid-winter. let's open the window. jackass. what is she thinking?! maybe if she did some temperature control on her part, we'd not have to freeze to death (she is capable of taking off her sweater...). she complains about not being in the loop with things. well, if she actually paid attention to her roommates and her hallmates instead of wasting her life away every night, she'd have a clue. no one knows her. no one cares. and my roommate and me? we lost all respect for her.
and that's that. can you tell, now, why i want summer to come soon? yes. i think so, too.
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oh, wow. i love this: 90 degrees of pure sun and pre-summer jitters. that's why i've changed my site look. it's been awhile... and besides, i need to be festive for my favorite season, ever.
just to let you guys know my availability, my calendar has been majorly updated. i'll keep updating that thing over summer, so if you want to know where i'm at, how you can contact me, or whatever the reason, check there. you'll get the jist.
and it's that time of year, when everything's coming to a close. the school year's winding down, finals are sprinting their way over, and it's a pure 3 1/2 month of needed break for me. but i wonder what it's going to be like next year, living without the two roommates i've been dorming with for 10 months now. communal living has it's major downfalls, like conflicts with roommates, problems, quirks, things that you would never know about a person unless you spend every waking moment with them. but then this kind of living has it's tremendous pros-- friendship surpassing every "un-understood". my roommates have found out more about me in the past few months than most people ever will or have, and it's not because i tell them. we learn to know one another and have this unwritten understanding about the things we do and the people we are. come on; you can't tell me that you don't know how your parents/guardians and/or siblings are like when they wake up in the morning, how they react to your actions, what they would tell you if you were in a rut. you know them because you spend an ungodly number of hours together with them, and they, with you. and whether you like it or notice it at all, you know those people and know them well. this is reciprocated, of course, since they know you just as much. and it's kind of like that; roommates are someone you come 'home' to, per se. they know how your day went without asking, they know what to do without you telling them. and this mutual understanding makes communal living worthwhile. that's why i'm resident advisor next year. if i didn't like it, i wouldn't have applied for the job.
but then again, as one door closes, another one opens.
so as i sit here and wonder how life is going to be like next year without my two roommates, i also look forward to the new relationships i will make. but of course, you know me-- i'm definitely keeping in touch with my old friends. because well... i know better than to discard the best of friends. :) that goes for you guys, too, in anaheim, in japan, in kentucky... i still remember the good times.
but oh, boy. am i excited to leave here. i enjoy davis and its gorgeous nature scenes, but you've no idea how much i've missed my home. and you can interpret "home" however you want.
who am i to kid-- i love summer.
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maybe it's just how my life is structured to be, but it seems that i realize the critical facts after they were necessary. at the pivotal moment, i blank out and act rashly, later pondering and questioning my actions. why is it that the most important things are gained through failure after failure? and why must we fail to begin with? so we can appreciate what we have yearned for, once it is in our hands?
"i'm not a perfect person;
there's many things i wish i didn't do.
but i continue learning.
i never meant to do those things to you,
and so i have to say before i go,
that i just want you to know,
i found a reason for me
to change who i used to be,
a reason to start over new;
and the reason is you.
i'm sorry that i hurt you;
it's something i must live with everyday.
and all the pain i put you through...
i wish that i could take it all away,
and be the one who catches all your tears.
that's why i need you to hear,
i found a reason for me
to change who i used to be,
a reason to start over new;
and the reason is you,
and the reason is you.
and the reason is you,
and the reason is you.
i'm not a perfect person;
i never meant to do those things to you.
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know
i found a reason for me
to change who i used to be,
a reason to start over new;
and the reason is you.
i found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know,
a reason for all that i do;
and the reason is you."
hoobastank, the reason
(if you're not familiar with them, you should start to. they are very good.)
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it's funny, how everything seems to work out. some lies, some deceptions, many empty promises... but even after all that, somehow, i feel pretty good at this point in my life.
those i had the pleasure to see in anaheim: thanks for yet another grand time. you guys never cease to make me smile. :) and a special shout-out to all the seniors and graduates of the year 2004: early congratulations, grads! you've come a long way... i still remember the first time i saw you on the canyon campus in the summer of 2000. and to know that i was part of your lives in some way comforts me. to another chapter in your lives and to all the successes you guys will have...
it's definitely that time of year again.
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